ia play

In the last week I’ve had a succession of conversations with people about their inadequate managers and how incredibly depressing and demoralising bad bosses are.

Someone suggested that I’m surprisingly serene about my bosses. I guess, I’ve come to believe that unless you can always choose your boss and choose well then you need to find ways to progress regardless of who you work for. And to be happy regardless of who your boss is.

Now it has been a long time since I’ve suffered ‘the terrible boss’ but that period in my life was strangely productive. I can genuinely say I wouldn’t have my current job if it wasn’t for that boss. At the time it was very, very hard to see the relationship in a positive light.

It is very easy to get angry with your boss for not being the person you want them to be. We don’t like them to be flawed. We want them to be bigger, better versions of ourselves. That’s pretty unrealistic.

Over at zenhabits Albert Foong suggests it is:

“the disparity between how reality is and our beliefs about how reality should be causes our suffering”

So what can we do? Beyond recognising it is all our fault?

It helps to recognise that bad bosses:

• have something to teach you. It might takes you ages to figure out what that is but it is a point of principle for me to believe in this
• show you your own strengths. Seeing something done badly can help you rate your own skills more
• give you an opportunity to be the good person, to help them
• might be someone who you can form powerful partnerships with, precisely because you are so different

In my experience it isn’t enough to think this way, especially if you work for them for long. You also need:

• a mentor (someone you choose, someone you respect and who understands you. This is your real boss!)
• support network (peers you can talk to, who will listen, emphasise and can suggest stuff. You have to help them too but this helps with perspective on your own problems)
• an professional identity beyond this job. Speak, write, volunteer, network. Be more than your boss’s employee.

The first list is about getting something out of the relationship, about not putting your life and career on hold till you get away from this person. The second is about getting through emotionally.
And whilst I firmly believe that managers are here to make you happy, there’s certainly a case for saying the reverse is also true.